Vat Do You Diwide by Vhen Computing Luff?
by Sparkylovesfire
Summary: Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a matchmaker, but you two make a damn cute couple."


A/N: So, I was finally able to crank out another Sulu/Chekov fic! Pretty happy right now...other than the fact that I have a headache. I hopefully I'll be able to write more and get it posted! Enjoy!

_Summary: "Dammit, I''m a doctor, not a matchmaker, but you two make a damn cute couple."_

_Pairing: Sulu/Chekov_

"_I can do zis…I can do zis…Ugh, I zink I haff a headache. I cannot do zis. If I turn around now zen he will newer notice zat I vas even coming tovards him—"_

"Hey, Chekov! Get your Russian Ensign ass over here and eat with us! That's an order!"

"—_damn you Keptin!" _Chekov forced a grin onto his features and immediately headed towards the small group gathered around one lunch table.

There were six occupants at the table. Sulu, Spock, Uhura, Scotty, Kirk and Bones. Kirk and Spock sat eerily close together, fingers brushing far too often for it to be accidental, not that Chekov noticed of course. He was too busying gnawing a hole through his lip as he took a seat next to Sulu.

"I was hoping to see you soon," Sulu flashed his bright smile at Chekov.

"Oh…" Chekov could've kicked himself.

"_Vhy must I be so awkvard? Eez just Hikaru after all… He vould newer hate me for zese feelings…vould he? Oh, no…vat if he does hate me for zem? But it's not like I can control zem…it just happened…_

"Something wrong, Ensign Chekov?" Spock turned his attention away from the _Enterprise's _captain, pulling a look of blatantly emotionless while somehow managing to seem slightly concerned.

"Huh? Oh, no. Zere is no problem," Chekov tore his concentration from his tray, realizing for the first time that everyone's gaze, including Sulu's, was focused on him. His face was suddenly consumed with a large blush that only made McCoy even more worried.

"You sure you're feeling well, kid? You look like you might barf any second now," Bones asked worriedly. He went to shake his head negatively when Sulu pressed a hand against his forehead. The pilot was so close that Chekov could inhale his scent. It was an interesting combination of Starfleet issue laundry detergent, body spray and another odd aroma that Chekov could only contribute to working with so many different plants during his off time. The only other thing that Chekov could comprehend besides the fragrance of Sulu was that he was really, really—

"—warm. I think he might have a fever."

"Da. I mean, no, I don't hawe a fewer. I am fine."

"I really think you should come to sickbay with me—"

"Personally, Bones, I think you're just looking for a new person to stab with a hypo. Jeez, give the kid a break. It's probably nothing."

"So says that guy who just collapsed in my sickbay just a few short days ago with a fever and delusions. Yeah, Jim, not taking another chance like that. C'mon, Chekov, I just want to run a few short tests to make sure you didn't contract what the Captain had."

"If he comes at you with a hypo, run!" Kirk teased. Chekov merely nodded as he was led away from the table by McCoy. Sulu continued to stare with a worried expression as they left, making Chekov feel guilty for leaving his friend concern for his wellbeing.

"—damn Jim and his green blooded hobgoblin…" Bones muttered before plopping Chekov down on one of the bio-bed. "This'll only take a few minutes. If Jim had just let me do this before he would've have passed out into that pointy-eared bastards' arms."

"Spock and Kirk, zey are together, no?" Chekov asked, kicking his feet like a small child at the doctor's. He was attempting to use casual conversation to distract himself.

"Yeah," McCoy sighed, searching around the room for a tricorder. "And as much as I hate _Mr. Spock,_ I've never seen Jim happier. So I'm not complaining. Well, not _too much_ anyway…" Chekov giggled at McCoy's obvious annoyance. When Chekov glanced passed the good doctor as he began to scan with the medical device, Sulu was there, waving at Pavel with that same grin he had when Chekov'd sat down with them. He held up the Ensign's left behind tray.

"Zank you…" Chekov mouthed at him. Sulu nodded before hiding behind the wall as McCoy wheeled around with a suspicious glare. Grumbling about prying onlookers, McCoy declared Chekov completely cleared and dismissed him. Chekov made a dash for the door, right before getting caught by the wrist by Bones.

"Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a matchmaker, but you two make a damn cute couple," he whispered gruffly into Chekov's ear. When Chekov's face broke out into a blush similar to the one that had gotten him sent to sickbay, Bones laughed. "Yeah, neither one of you are too good about hiding it. Now get out of my sickbay." He playfully tossed Chekov towards the door, rolling his eyes as the Ensign stumbled out of the room.

"I think I'll go ask Scotty if he wants to join me in for a drink…"

"Chekov, what did Bones sa—oof!" Sulu managed to spit out before Chekov collided with him, causing Sulu to spill all of the contents of Chekov's tray onto the floor. Bones peeked out the door briefly before stomping away in the direction he'd dragged Chekov. A faint "I'm a doctor, not a janitor, dammit!" could be heard once he rounded the corner.

"Sulu, I am so sorry! Gah, vhy I am I so clumsy…" Chekov frowned, picking up the scattered remaining of his lunch—a ham sandwich, an apple and a now exploded cart of milk.

"Don't worry about it, Chekov. I'm really glad I found you. I've wanted to talk about something with you," Sulu told him, picking up the apple and milk. Chekov was busy gathering up the remnants of his sandwich, the bread, the ham, the lettuce—

He reached for the slice of tomato at the same time as Sulu, causing their fingers to touch, making Chekov shudder noticeably in response.

"Chekov—"

"I…haff to go. See you later?" Chekov stammered out, pulling his hand away swiftly. Sulu nodded before murmuring about taking the tray back. Chekov thanked him quickly before standing up and jogging away, leaving Sulu looking slightly disappointed.

"—_diwide all that by…by…vat do you diwide by ven computing the chance of luff?"_

It took another hour or so of running before Chekov felt that he'd calm down even slightly. He stopped, sliding into a sitting position against the wall.

"…_based on zat analysis, ze chance of him returning my feelings is less than ten percent. Damn…Urgh…I can't believe zat it vas really zat obwious to Dr. McCoy! Why can't I do somezing right for once? Just this vone time vould've been ni—vait…did he say "neither one of us"? I zink he did! I…I need…to talk to someone about zis…_

A smile of relief fell into place on Chekov's features.

Captain James T. Kirk was just the person to go to with a problem like this.

Too bad he wasn't answering his door.

"Keptin! I really need your help! Please, if you are here, answer me!" Chekov continued to pound on the door until he was completely reassured that no one was there. Just when he was about to give up, the door flew open, revealing the Captain and his First Officer in a very compromising position…

"Spock! I told you to lock it!" Kirk's voice cried loudly.

"Sorry! Sorry…I—I…sorry, Keptin!" Chekov choked out, turning around and hauling ass as fast as he could out of there. He was just really beginning to process what he'd witnessed when a strong arm grabbed him around the waist and pressed him against the wall.

"Eep!" Chekov squeaked in a very unmanly fashion, shutting his eyes tightly and anticipating a blow.

"Chekov, I'm not going to hurt you. You can open your eyes," a gentle voice laughed.

"Hikaru?"

"Mhm. Who'd you think it was?" Chekov paused, his mind running through a list of all the potential people it could've been.

"I dunno. I vas just…startled."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"I vasn't scared. _Startled_," Chekov emphasized. This made Sulu let out another deep, throaty laugh.

"Okay. I didn't mean to _startle _you."

"Eez okay."

"If I may ask, why were you running this time?"

"I…vould rather not say."

"Spock forgot to lock the door again?" Chekov nodded. "If it wasn't for how secretive Vulcans usually are, I'd say he did it on purpose."

"Da. I mean, yes," it was only now that Chekov's nerves began to settle that he noticed the way Sulu had him pushed back against the wall. The heat he'd been feeling earlier was even more intense _this _close…

"Chekov? Did you hear me?"

"Huh? Nyet. I sorry. I vas spacing. Could you repeat?"

"I said that you're very hard to keep in one place. I've really wanted to talk to you."

"Oh." _Not again._ "Vat about?" _Nice save, genius._

Sulu paused momentarily, glancing around the hall to ensure that no one was going to come dashing at them and steal Chekov from him. He then made sure his grip on Chekov was solidified, that way Chekov couldn't run away from him.

"I…wanted to say that I…crap. Now that I have you, I don't know how to say it," Sulu laughed, humorlessly and laced with nerves. Chekov stared at Sulu, his attention completely on the pilot, with big blue-grey eyes. Sulu gazed fondly back with dark brown eyes that seemed to reach down into the depths of Chekov's soul and pull out something that even Chekov hadn't realize lurked there…

It took Chekov the better half of five seconds to realize that he had leaned in and capture Sulu's mouth in a gentle kiss. When Chekov pulled back, he felt just about as stunned as Hikaru looked. Chekov began to fight against Sulu's grip. He desperately wanted to run away, but Sulu was a lot stronger than Chekov had originally anticipated.

"Sulu… I am wery, wery sorry. I don't know what cam—mhm!" Chekov didn't have time to finish his statement as Sulu had yanked him back and dove in for a second, much hungrier kiss. Chekov's went wide, but he let himself be shoved even harder against the wall, gripping Sulu's hair tightly with one hand and his other hand pressed to Sulu's chest. They broke apart, gasping for air, and Chekov looked to be confused beyond belief.

"You just…"

"Yeah…"

"Meaning that you…"

"Yup."

"The statistically probability that you vould return my feelings vas less than 10.5248319…"

"Chekov, love isn't about statistics. It's about how you _feel_," Sulu explained, rubbing his thumb on Chekov's bottom lip.

"Da. And I know. Still. Doing the math distracted, if not discouraged me slightly, from other…issues."

"Like?"

"Like how to tell you that I luff you. So wery much," he whispered, twirling a finger in Sulu's short hair. Sulu grinned, pressing a kiss against Chekov's rosy cheek. Chekov couldn't stop the giggling that arose from his throat as Sulu kissed from his cheek down his neck.

"I love you too."

* * *

"Chekov! Pavel! Ugh, Russian boy! Where are you? You'd better answer me, and that's an order! Chekov!"

"Captain, I apologize for my neglect to lock your quarters—"

"Just shut up, okay? I need to find Chekov then you can tell him you're so—"

"Fascinating."

"What?"

"I believe I just found him, Jim."

"Where—oh. _Oh!_ This is kinda…oddly attractive."

"Indeed it is, Captain."

"……"

"I think it might be best if we left these two to their…affairs."

"Actually, I'm pretty interested in their _affairs._"

"Please come along, Captain."

"Alright…" Kirk grumbled, tagging along after Spock. He glimpsed back at Chekov and Sulu, an evil grin spreading across his face.

"Hey, Spock," the First Officer raised an eyebrow. "Have you ever heard of this thing called an orgy?"

"Yes, Jim, I am familiar with the concept."

"You wouldn't happen to be _interested _in—"

"I am in no way entertained by the idea of sharing you with anybody, and I don't believe that either Lieutenant Sulu or Ensign Chekov could be swayed to partake in such an activity."

"Killjoy…"


End file.
